The Nutritional Value of Rocks

I was a pitched a topic by a “delightful” reader of my rarely updated blog. So much as I discuss my loyalty to writing, I’ve been lazy as hell. But stream of conscious ramblings are a natural talent, so here I will divulge you all in the benefits of consuming rocks, the suggested topic by aforementioned reader. Rocks are formed by nature, full of minerals, and not yet regulated by the FDA. And from what I learned by watching Food, Inc last night, the regulation efforts of the FDA may not be so stellar anyway. I’m not sure I can consume beef in the near future and recognize this comment now opens me to potential libel lawsuits by the food industry. Apparently Oprah isn’t the only one who’s been sued by food manufacturers for speaking out about food. Some states, like Colorado, actually prohibit speaking out against certain foods. Nonetheless, prior to viewing the documentary, I found myself at the best discount grocer in the city- Western Beef. Dating a Texan means my apple-almond butter diet has been upgraded to full-cooked meals by yours truly. I had considered writing a food blog, as my culinary skills have been maximized this year and then I saw a blog of a former friend about all she ate and photographed in a day and realized I have no interest in being known as an over-indulgent foodie. But I will indulge you all with a new flavour of soup I encountered this week and have shared with all my social networking sites:

 

I may not have the teeth for rock consumption though, as I’ve spent the better part of the summer and extra savings at the dentist. The good news is that I found an incredible dentist at West End Dental Associates, and for those of you in NYC who are in need of great dentistry that accepts even my paltry dental insurance, then check them out. Three root canals, one broken tooth, two crowns, and enough money to pay for a few trips to the Caribbean later, and I am almost done with this little side project. 

Speaking of side projects and rocks, I’ve maximized my space in my mini apartment by adding cinder blocks under my bed, after adorning them with floral fabric amid the protests of my boyfriend. He was convinced the bare cinder blocks would add a modern, urban look to my apartment. I thought the place would look like a construction zone, in addition to the stalagmite entry to my apartment composed of peeling plaster from my landlady’s failed efforts to fix the ceiling. Having an elevated bed is a fun experience and the mattress looks like it’s floating out of the wall. When you’re dealing with 250 square feet, the extra ten square feet of floor visibility is like an addition on a house. I just can’t figure what to do with all this space.

My yearning to get a puppy is just as strong as ever before, particularly now that a new neighbor has moved in with her Cavapoo. I’m recently infatuated with the idea of a Yorkie, since they don’t shed, they are petite, good-natured, and Stevie Nicks owns two. Actually, the Stevie Nicks mention is just a creepy, non-legit reason, particularly as I’m in the studio working on a Stevie Nicks cover project. We’re going to have a single available to the public very soon so stay tuned to www.crystalrevisions.com. Work has been kind to me and last week I was delightfully working on the remake of Arthur, sitting at Jennifer Garner’s feet as a ribbon collector at a bridal shower. The vivid green rug beneath me had been spray-painted and I left the set with enough paint on me to audition for Wicked. Katy Perry stopped by to visit with her man, Russell Brand, who was very fun to be around. It’s amazing to see the success Katy has had since I caught her acoustic set at South by Southwest a few years ago. A little tidbit, but her song “Ur So Gay” actually inspired me to write “Future Former” while waiting for my flight back to NYC from Austin. I’m not, however, sure I’d be inspired to shoot whipped cream or sparklers out of my bustier. The competition is fierce these days in the pop world. What would Stevie Nicks do?

I actually saw the original Arthur last week and absolutely loved it. It was the first Dudley Moore performance I ever enjoyed (I hated Ten) and Liza was divine, as was the stylistic carry-over from the 1970’s that the early 80’s had in wardrobe, setting, and film-technique. I read a review in which a viewer complained that he could not watch films prior to the mid-eighties because the quality was unenjoyable. To that viewer I say, once we hit the mid-80’s, films took a nosedive. I’ll take Dog Day Afternoon or Serpico or It’s A Wonderful Life anyday over most trash in the theatres today. I guess we’re both different kinds of snobs. But at least I watch everything and don’t limit my viewings by my era-ist (is that word?) tastes.

And as for eating rocks, maybe it’s not the best idea. I recall being fired from a baby-sitting gig when a child tried to consume rocks on the playground and his darling sister told his mother that I actually fed them to the kid. Which makes me think that a Yorkie is a much better desire than a kid. Perhaps in another decade I’ll consider childrearing, when all films are completely animated and computer generated, all food is genetically modified, the government is a complete military-industrial complex, and the US is a second-world country owned by China. I mean, what better time to bring a child into the world?