Title-less Musings

Narcissism sweeps through today’s batch of latest ramblings, querulous insights, and status updates. Snarky sentences and critiques are so ubiquitous that I can’t even vent without feeling like I’m no longer original (insert my moment of narcissism). How I miss the days when no one I knew even had a blog and we were referring to our Xanga sites as a “new place for writers.” Now it’s a place for everyone. So I’ve abstained from writing anything to abstain from being another loud voice in a noisy forum of endless chatter. But how I miss the random entry, full of updates that only my mother would care to tune into (and maybe a few former nosy lovers along the way). Without said forum, I find my mind-chatter interferes in my zen moments of walking the dog, yoga, and banging away on my piano.

So here we go. Let’s begin with the exciting news. This year, my new musical duo, Mirabelle is performing at Night of a Thousand Stevies at the Highline Ballroom. It’s such a treat to be able to perform on a night of scarf-twirling, glitter infested, Stevie Nicks-inspired grandeur. Our project, “Crystal Revisions” has received so much positive energy (if not yet from Stevie herself) and if you haven’t downloaded it yet, go to www.crystalrevisions.com. It’s free to download and perfect for the upcoming BBQ and beach weather heading our way. 

I’ve committed to a plan, in my often unpredictable life, to ground myself in routine. This means working out more, volunteering more, learning more, and expanding my horizons. Thanks to LiveMocha, I’ve started learning German. Thanks to NYSC, I’ve made the commitment to work out every day of the week. Now, it doesn’t necessarily pan out that way, but I read that it’s better to do something every day than to convince yourself you’ll do it a few times a week. When I committed to three days, I found that I’d inevitably find a way to weasel myself out of a day here or there. By pushing for everyday of the week, no longer can I procrastinate until tomorrow. I just have to find the time today. And volunteering comes as I’ve begun to question my path and my contributions to the world. I feel we are so incredibly off course as a culture. With all the good things that can be done, so many hours are wasted doing absolutely nothing to better the lives of ourselves and others. I’ve been spending time with more seniors, who give us such a rich perspective of the circle of life and what’s important. What a lifetime will amount to. In my brief visits, it always amazes me the moments that the seniors tend to relive in conversation and regret in passing.

I’ve started to tell the truth about my age. Obviously, those in the biz who are reading this, or anyone I deal with in “that world” are getting spoon-fed lies because money is involved and the entertainment industry just perpetuates the bullshit that youth is where it’s at and we should all do everything possible to preserve the face of a 21-year-old. I turned 30 this year. And I fucking love it (sorry, Mom, who informed me that children occasionally read the f-bomb on my blog. This is NOT a blog for children and never has been, but additionally, any child in society today has inevitably heard a few f-bombs if they’ve left home more than once or twice). But being 30 is great, as the requirement to maintain a twenty-something stereotype slips away. I’ve promised to blog about my experiences with ageism that began as early as 20 for me (and I in fact began lying about my age to appear younger at 20) and will get to that at some point. But considering I still get id’ed wherever I go and occasionally hit on by young punks, I’m fine with it. And working out every day has only guaranteed I’m in the best shape of my life, as opposed to when I was a far more voluptuous 20-year-old pretending to still be 19. It’s amusing that I felt such a need to hang onto youth when every girl-crush I’ve ever had has been on a woman in her mid-forties or older. Go figure. I’d also pledged to go blonde at 30, but considering there’s nary a grey hair in my head, I may have to hold off another decade, when it will make more sense. 

Aging is also great because my objectives have changed. My source of joy has been redirected and my angst about hurrying up success has been refocused to redefine the success I want in my life. Amen for that. It’s so interesting to really look at and understand the life paths of people I’ve aspired to emulate are really crappy and miserable. And that perhaps what I wanted before really isn’t as fulfilling or fun as I once imagined. I wonder, if like many of my new senior friends, that the times I will most adore and long for will be the days I dreamt my dreams in lieu of the days I realized them. Chances are, yes.